


The Many Adventures of Joe Jonas: boy cheerleader {Northwestern}

by liketheroad



Series: Joe Jonas: boy cheerleader [4]
Category: Disney RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-11
Updated: 2011-04-11
Packaged: 2017-10-17 22:51:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketheroad/pseuds/liketheroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe goes to college, away from Nick. <i>It's not a change Joe handles particularly well. He has Demi, and he has the phone, and those are pretty much the only things that keep him going. Saying they keep him sane would probably be a bit of an exaggeration.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Many Adventures of Joe Jonas: boy cheerleader {Northwestern}

He spends every available minute of it working, saving up every bit of money he can. He has a small scholarship, and his parents saved for all their sons' educations, but Joe wants money for Nick. For calling him whenever and however long he wants, for visits whenever he can find the time. So he works every second he doesn't spend with Nick, and the only reason he doesn't drop from exhaustion and loneliness is because he has Demi. She's there with him, working side by side at her mom's bakery, singing with him as they clean up after every one of their shifts, bantering with customers, and taking her breaks with him on the bench across the street. Every day for three months, they share a blueberry scone and a large coffee at 10:30 and a cheese croissant and a cherry smoothie at 2:30, and every day when Joe gets home, Nick is still studying.  
  
While Joe is attempting to deal with their impending separation by trying to make enough money to make it bearable, Nick throws himself tirelessly into reducing the time they have to spend apart period. He takes every advanced placement class at his disposal, working with a tutor he pays for out of the savings Nick's been carefully accumulating since he was approximately six years old and got his first paper route. By the time the summer ends, Nick's finished enough credits that he returns to school as a senior instead of a junior.  
  
But that still means a year apart, eight months and an impossibly long number of days, and until Joe gets on that plane and Nick doesn't get on it with him, he doesn't really even believed it's possible for them to be away from each other. They've never been apart for more than a few hours. Never once gone a whole day without seeing each other since the day Nick was born.

It's not a change Joe handles particularly well. He has Demi, and he has the phone, and those are pretty much the only things that keep him going. Saying they keep him sane would probably be a bit of an exaggeration.

He spends the first few weeks in a daze, stumbling from class to class, sleeping whenever he isn't planted in an uncomfortable chair in an echo-y lecture hall. He's taking art history, photography, English, philosophy and the history of science but, by October, he can't honestly say he's learned a single new thing about any of those subjects.

He knows he's worrying people. He sees the pinched look in Demi's eyes when they meet after classes and go for walks along the lake, knows he never responds well enough to her questions, never asks her enough questions of his own. He knows he's scaring Nick, not doing nearly a good enough job of sounding like he's okay when they talk every night. And he knows he's freaking out Kevin even more than usual - even more than the skirts and the cheerleading and everything else he's put Kevin through in the last couple years, and that almost makes Joe feel worst of all.

He usually talks to Kevin every night, too, hanging up with phone with Nick and staring despondently around his dorm room until it's either curl up in a ball and cry like a baby or dial Kevin and spout crazy nonsense at him for an hour until Joe feels like he can breathe again. Kevin always just lets Joe vent, never interrupting him except to murmur the occasional words of comfort and support. Sometimes Zac chimes in as well, from the background, saying things like, "Tell him to buy himself something pretty," and "I have this awesome new shampoo Joe should try," because apparently Zac is a firm believer in retail therapy.

By mid-October though, Joe still hasn't snapped out of it and it's around the time he either has to pull it together and start turning in work or lose his scholarship and flunk out of college, and wouldn't _that_ be the perfect way to get back to Nick, if only it wouldn't put the worst, most disappointed frown on his face as a consequence.

He's ranting to Kevin yet again, actually getting mad at him, stupid as it is, but unable to stop himself as he shouts, "I don't get how you did it! I don't understand how you moved away and were just... **_fine_**! Weren't you lonely? Weren't you _homesick_? Didn't you miss--"

"You're not homesick, Joe," Kevin's voice cuts in smoothly, with just the slightest edge in his voice. Still, coming from Kevin, it's enough to shut Joe up, and wait for him to continue. "It's not home you're missing. It's Nick. Don't make this about me and what I didn't miss. I missed home plenty. I still do."

Joe deflates instantly, feeling small and petty, not an unfamiliar feeling by this point. "Sorry," he says quietly, sincerely.

"It's alright," Kevin says with a heavy sigh.

"I miss you, too," Joe tells him, meaning that too.

He thinks he can almost hear the sad smile in Kevin's voice when he answers, "Yeah, Joe. Me too."   
  
\---

He gets it together a little bit after that. He starts doing his readings, starts paying attention in class. To his surprise, he finds it helps. Keeps him busy, gives him something else to think about. He gives himself up to it, working hard enough to make Nick proud, going from C's to A's by November. He tries to start talking to people more. At least Demi. She's been making friends, thriving, all like he knew she would, but he misses her, finds himself so grateful for her presence once he starts to awaken from the self-pitying fog he's spent the first half of the semester in. From the way she hugs him hard, talks a mile a minute and beams at him whenever he actually seeks her out first, picks her up from class or meets her at the coffee-shop she loves to hang out in, Joe guesses Demi missed him, too.

He feels like he's almost finding his footing, but then it's Thanksgiving and time to go back home and Joe almost doesn't want to - he misses Nick more than anything, and he'd never actually sacrifice the chance to be with him again, but he's afraid of what will happen when he does. Afraid of being reminded how much better it is to be with Nick, afraid he won't be able to make himself leave Nick again.

His dorm room doesn't feel like home, but it's the only sanctuary he's had except for his walks and afternoons with Demi, and he's a little sad to leave that, too, on his last day. He makes his bed, neater than usual, straightening the pillowcase fussily and running his hand along the smooth comforter. It's a bit of home, a deep, familiar maroon he wraps himself up in every night. He passes by his closet, filled with clothes he could never wear at home - small lacy tops and mini-skirts he wears over black tights. It's the only other thing about being here, really, that almost makes it bearable. The freedom to dress and be whoever he wants, no one watching him closely enough to care, too many other students doing their own experimenting, their own rebelling, to make some skinny dude in girls clothing anything that remarkable.

He's wearing jeans now, tight but nothing special, no sparkle or shine, and what feels like a hopelessly plain, boring v-neck top under his coat. He sighs, taking one last look around his side of the room, bare walls except the picture of himself with all the other cheerleaders, poised together in a pyramid, and his bedside table, empty except for the small bankers lamp Nick gave him for his graduation and a picture of them, standing side by side, Nick's arm wrapped tightly around Joe's shoulders.

He meets Demi in between their two residences. They're flying home together, and he knows Demi has the same flutter of anxiety and desperation to get home he does. David graduated with them, but he's still in Texas working, waiting for her now like Nick is waiting for Joe.

On the plane, they hold hands and Joe says, "Sorry I've been the worst friend ever." He's really only realizing now, as she squeezes his hand so tight, like he's all she has to hold onto, that he hasn't been the only one whose been alone this semester. Hasn't been the only one missing the one they love.

Demi smiles at him and squeezes his hands, "Forgiven."

The plane takes off, and she doesn't let go.

\---

On his first night back, Joe and Nick go out on a double-date with David and Demi, sitting two by two across from each other, and Joe knows they're all wishing that they can hold onto moments like these forever, knows that the four of them aren't meant to be apart.

Demi rests her feet in Joe's lap across the booth and David and Nick bump knees more often than is probably necessary, little reminders that they get to hold onto something at least, that none of them have to be completely alone once Demi and Joe go back.

When they say goodnight, Nick and David hug for almost a full minute while Demi and Joe do the same. Joe rests his chin on the crown of Demi's head and watches the way Nick buries his face into David's neck, smiles and feels warm, enveloped in a hug shared between them when David keeps his arms wrapped tight around Nick's waist, murmuring something to him that makes Nick smile against David. When David and Nick finally let go of each other, they switch, and David clamps Joe hard on the back, almost lifting him off the ground with the force of his hug, and he says, "Thanks for keeping an eye on my girl," into Joe's ear while he watched Demi kiss Nick on the cheek.

They spend time with Kevin and Zac, too, of course, and the rest of their family. Kevin has a million stories, and Joe tries to be good, tries to listen to his eldest brothers tales of palm trees and his matched and genuine fascination with business management strategies and documentaries, but mostly his mind glazes over, and all he can focus on is the heat of Nick's leg pressed against his under the dinning room table, or his arm, draped casually over Joe's shoulder.

They spend most of the four days Joe is back waiting for everyone else to go away, go to sleep, so they can be together again in the imagined solitude of Nick's bedroom. The night's pass in a blur of frantic, hidden kisses, shaking hands and hushed moans as their bodies collide roughly in the dark.

Joe goes back to Northwestern with bruises, scattered all along the insides of his thighs, his waist, with dark purple hickeys he has to wear popped up polo shirts to cover at the base of his neck. Nick all but writing _mine_ on Joe's skin with his fingers and teeth, a reminder to both of them.

He's glad. Glad for for the marks and for the weight of Nick's ring on his finger, and he twists it almost constantly, thumb and forefinger winding it around and around his ring finger, half mantra, half promise of the future that's still waiting for both of them.

\---

The first time Joe calls Nick his _boyfriend_ instead of his brother, it's because Demi does it first. They're in the coffee-shop Demi likes to go to with her theater friends; a workers-collective at the edge of campus that's always playing barely accessible indie music which serves only fair trade, organic coffees and baked goods and sandwiches made on site.

Joe never feels quite at home there, but then, he never feels at home anywhere without Nick.

As long as he sticks close to Demi, though, he's mostly okay. Presently, he's leaning against her side while she's busy regaling a table of friends with tales of her visit back home, telling them all about the way David greeted her with roses and whisked her off to their favorite ice cream shop for milkshakes as soon as she stepped off the plane. Joe smiles along, trying to look happy for Demi and not just lost in the memory of coming home to Nick, of the strength in Nick's arms as he picked Joe up and spun him around the airport, pressing his face into Joe's chest, just above his thundering heart.

But then Demi is saying, "And, of course, Joe was just as happy to get back to Nick," and two of her friends, who, Joe understands, are patiently waiting to become his friends as soon as he gets a little more with it, assured repeatedly by Demi that they'll love him, say at once, "Ooh, and who's Nick?"

Demi laughs, but Joe catches her flick her eyes quickly and uncertainly to Joe before she answers, "That's Joe's boyfriend, he's great. He's coming here next year - you guys'll go crazy for him."

Everyone stares at him, waiting for Joe to confirm all this, and he chuckles weakly, and responds, "Yeah. Everyone's crazy for Nick."

\---

When they walk back to the dorms together, Demi hooks her arm with Joe, their matching wool coats blending together. They went shopping for them together, it was one of the only times Joe's smiled since he's been here, watching Demi attack the task of buying them real winter coats with rabid enthusiasm.

"Was it okay, that I did that?" she asks eventually, finally working up the courage when they're almost at Joe's building.

He stops, removing his arm from hers and crossing them over his chest, staring at the hoarfrost on the tree branches above them.

"We've never actually talked about it," he says, meaning Demi and himself.

She nods, eyes on him, waiting for what comes next.

"I never understood - I still don't understand - why you're okay with it - why--"

"Because you love each other, Joe," she says simply, even though it's should probably seem, at least to her, like one of the least simple things in the world. "Because you're my friend, and you're _good_ , and you love each other. There isn't enough of that in the world as it is. Why shouldn't I want you to have that?" Her eyes are open wide, hands on her hips, and he knows she means it.

"That's why I came here," Joe says finally, still looking up at the trees. "So we could get away - be far enough that--"

"I know," Demi says, putting a gloved hand on Joe's arm. "I know that. And I just... I didn't know how else to tell you that I knew, that it was okay. I'm with you on this. I'll always have your back, Joe. And Nick's. You can count on me."

He sucks in his cheeks and a thousand replies, but doesn't stop himself from pulling her into a fast, hard hug, saying, "I know I can."

\---

On the phone to Nick that night, Joe says, "Demi called you my boyfriend," and expects Nick to gasp in surprise.

Instead, Nick grunts and says, blankly, "That's what I am."

Joe closes his eyes and laughs silently, almost hysterically. "Nick..."

"That's what I can be, there," Nick continues in the same aggressively banal way, plowing over Joe's protest. "I thought that was the whole point, you know, getting some _weather_."

Joe wants to laugh more, loud and wild, at the way weather has become some kind of warped metaphor between them, at the whole tangled and impossible web they've woven for themselves. Instead he fights back tears, missing Nick and the unshakable faith he has in Joe so much it hurts, and says, "I love you," because he can't say anything else.

Nick hums in his throat, a noise he's always used for Joe, to soothe him, to show Joe he's pleased Nick, and says, "I love you, too, big brother."

\---

Sometimes Joe and Demi call David and Nick together, and they all talk on speaker phone, huddled together and trying to pretend they're four instead of two.

Joe likes it best when they call right after Nick and David have woken up from a nap, an accomplishment David has somehow managed in the time they've been away that not even Joe had previously believed possible. In all Nick's years, Joe was never able to convince him of the joys of napping, no matter how exhausted he would get from the constant drain of pushing himself to be the best every second, from the extra weigh he carried after he was diagnosed with diabetes. Joe tried everything, including attempting to coax Nick into falling asleep with lazy kisses, pressed against his bed underneath Joe, but it never worked. Nick would occasionally drift off, just for a minute or two, but inevitably he'd always snap back into attention, sitting up and talking about his plans for the rest of the day, the week, or the decade, or, later, turning the tables on Joe and pinning him to the bed instead, anything but restfully. But somewhere along the line, in Joe's absence, David's succeeded at luring Nick into long, lazy afternoon naps, and Joe knows they help because he can hear the warmth, the relaxation in both of their voices when he and Demi call and wake Nick and David from one of them.

He thinks this is the sort of thing he would be jealous of, if their relationship was anything like normal. But it never has been, and Joe's glad to find it's not starting now. He's so glad Nick has David close to him, so glad David knows enough about Nick, cares about him enough, that he'll do what's needed for Nick while Joe can't. And besides, Joe has Demi, and he needs her the same way, is glad to be needed by her. And he knows, now, that Nick trusts them together, trusts that whatever Joe and Demi have, it can't touch what he and Nick have, can't do anything but keep it safe, make it stronger.

\---

Joe's feeling slightly less optimistic when Nick stops calling him nearly as much in December, trickling down until he's not calling at all. Joe freaks out about this by letting Demi talk him into going with her to the cast party for her drama class and then drinking way too many of the awesome pink drinks one of the guys he meets there keeps handing him.

He knows he's had too many because his head is spiny and he feels like he's going to fall over even though he's already sitting down. He can't find Demi, can't see her over the crowds of dancing and talking people that surround him, and he just wants to go home - not back to his stupid, ugly dorm room with the roommate who always makes a face when he looks at Joe. He wants to be with Nick, wants to be held and kissed and wants Nick to whisper promises in Joe's ear.

Instead, the guy with the pink drinks has his arm around Joe, and he's telling Joe how pretty he is - and it's been kind of a long time since anyone but Demi has done that, and Joe misses it, okay, but when the guy leans in, his face so close to Joe's it's all he can see, he realizes, suddenly and violently, that this person isn't anyone he's supposed to allow to get close to him. He smells wrong and his smile is wrong and Joe doesn't think - he just shoves at the guy with all his strength, propelling him half-way across the couch and then Joe scrambles up, grabbing his scarf out of the guy's hands and pushing through the crowd until he gets to the top of the stairs and shouts down, calling Demi's name.

She hears him from the kitchen, he sees her elbow her way through the mass of party-ers, climbing the stairs and pulling him into a half hug before saying, "Should we maybe get out of here now?"

Joe nods and, holding hands so they don't lose each other in the crowd, they make their way out of the house and into the crisp, cold night.

\---

Demi takes Joe back to her dorm with her because her roommate is having sex at her boyfriend's that night - apparently they have a schedule about that - and they cuddle up in Demi's bed, talking quietly while _Bring It On (again)_ plays in the background.

"I think maybe Nick is mad at me," Joe says when he finally has the courage.

He's curled up around Demi's chest, head resting over her heart, and Demi runs her fingers through his hair while she says, "I don't think that's it, babe." The endearment slips out naturally, but Joe still smiles at it. Not even Nick calls him that.

"He hasn't been calling me," Joe persists, playing with the tassels of Demi's afghan to distract himself as he speaks. "Has David been calling you?" he inquires, rather meekly, hoping it doesn't sound like he wishes she's in the same boat, but wanting company nonetheless.

She kisses his hair and says, "Not as much, but I think he's just busy. He's been working a lot, you know, trying to save money."

Joe nods. David graduated with them, but had no aspirations to go to college, no idea of what he would take, where he wanted a university degree to take him, and he hadn't wanted to spend the money, and the time, when he wasn't sure it was even something he wanted to do. Instead, he stayed in Texas, working for his parents and coaching a rec center soccer team. Joe doesn't know how big a part of it this was, but privately, he believes David also stayed to keep Nick sane, to keep him safe. He doesn't know how fair that belief is on Demi, but mostly he's just grateful she didn't stay, too.  
  
"We're busy, too," Joe concedes, thinking of the hours of essay writing and note taking that await him in the morning. He'd barely noticed, at first, how little he and Nick were talking; so bogged down in final essays and exams. But whenever he pulled his head out of his books, he'd looked up and expected to see missed calls from Nick galore, and that hasn't happened in what's rapidly changing from days to weeks.

Demi squeezes Joe closer against her, and he knows he's not the only one she's comforting when she does so. "We'll see them again soon," she says, a promise both of them need to hear aloud.

Joe nods, threading their fingers together and sighing deeply, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of Kirsten Dunst cheering and leading others to cheer on screen.

\---

Joe doesn't mind his classes, now that he's actually paying attention to them, and between them and tagging along with Demi and her friends, he keeps pretty busy. But even though he manages to fill up almost every second of his day, keeping busy, keeping moving, he has to admit, he misses cheerleading.

He actually misses it a lot.

Demi tries to get him to do other things, like join her dance class or the theater group she meets with in addition to her actual acting classes, but, even though he can't quite articulate why, Joe knows it wouldn't be the same. It's not even just because Nick wouldn't be there, because cheering was something he did for Nick. It started out that way, and that was always part of it, but somewhere along the line cheerleading came to mean more than just that to Joe, and, now, he finds himself misses it more and more the longer he's away from it.

He misses the feel of it, the rush of the crowd and way he felt so completely at one with himself and his surroundings when he was in the stands or on the field, waving his pom-poms in the air and doing the splits in his perfectly pleated, maroon skirt.

He's glad for some of that freedom to finally be able to bleed over into his daily life, glad for the way he can get away with smelling like vanilla and occasionally weaving his hair into a French braid like Demi taught him, now that his hair is long enough. Now that there's no one here to stop him from keeping it that way. He likes wearing the purple beret Demi bought for him when he wears his hair like that, his matching purple gloves going perfectly with their matching charcoal pea-coats. Now that it's colder, he's wearing leg warmers over his tights, longer, checkered wool skirts that go down just above his knees.

He misses moving his body though, misses the strain in his muscles and the high of adrenaline and the end of a game.

Of course, when he's being honest with himself, Joe knows it's the way Nick would hold him afterwords, proud and happy, even when they lost, that Joe misses most.

He remembers that, once upon a time a time when this all began, Kevin told him he and Nick wouldn't always be as close as they were when they were young. He remembers Kevin telling him that growing apart was part of growing up, and Joe hadn't accepted that, hadn't been willing to let it happen. So he'd done what had needed to be done to stay close to Nick, and, for awhile, it had worked. He hadn't expected to love it as much as he did, but that had just been a happy bonus, icing on the cake of keeping Nick close. But it's occurring to him now, as more and more days pass without word from Nick, that maybe Kevin was right after all. Maybe, for all that Joe thought he was building them something new, maybe he was wrong. Maybe all the closeness he'd bought for them in high school, all the extra time the cheerleading had allowed them, had just been Joe slowing down the process of growing up, postponing it a little longer instead of getting rid of it entirely.

He doesn't like the sound of that now any better than he had two and a half years ago.

\---

A week before Christmas, Joe calls the house and when he asks to talk to Nick, his mom goes all quiet and says Nick not really taking calls. Joe almost drops the phone. Not calling Joe himself is one thing, but refusing to even _take_ Joe's calls? Joe doesn't want to be disloyal, or irrational, but he feels like everything he's built with Nick the past years, their whole lives, is suddenly unraveling in front of his eyes and he doesn't know why or how to fix it.

"This won't take long," Joe lies wildly, "Can you just tell him I'm on the phone, please?"

He hears her sigh, but, even though he doesn't like to exploit it, Joe knows he's always been his mother's favorite, at least when she's on her own and not bending to her husband's overwhelming affection for Nick, so she does as he asks.

After a few minutes, Nick's voice comes over the line, sounding tired and frustrated, "Hey, Joe," he says, sighing heavily like mustering up the trace of enthusiasm in his voice when he said Joe's name really took a lot out of him.

Joe recoils a little, and almost wants to hang up, but this is the first time he's heard Nick's voice in almost two weeks. "I miss you," he says, getting right to the point and hoping it's not already too late to expect Nick to say it back.

But he does, instantly and sincerely, and Joe sags with relief. "Haven't talk to you in awhile," he says, not really bothering to try and sound casual about it.

Nick makes an unhappy noise and says, "Yeah, I know. Sorry." He doesn't expand further, and Joe starts to feel worry thud back in his chest.

"Can't wait to see you at Christmas," trying a new tactic in desperate hopes it'll have better results.

"Yeah," Nick says distractedly, like his mind has already ended the conversation and he's just waiting for Joe to catch up.

"Do you... should I let you go?"

"Probably. I have... lots of stuff," Nick answers vaguely, still sounding more distant than the miles between them can explain.

"Okay, I guess, I'll talk to you later," Joe stumbles over the words, stringing the sentence together with difficulty.

Just before he hangs up, he hears Nick say, in the same worryingly absent tone, "Love you, Joe." He stops himself from hanging up until he says it back, but the line is already dead, and he realizes he's saying it to no one.

\---

Demi tells him again not to freak out, but Joe is totally freaking out. He can tell, because this time he's wearing sweat pants and the too short My Little Pony t-shirt Nick bought him from from some online vintage clothing swap store when Joe got his first A on a university paper. Other evidence includes the fact that he hasn't gotten out of bed all day, despite having two classes, that he hasn't brushed or straightened his hair, and that he's been watching TV shows about home makeovers and crying off and on all afternoon.

Demi takes the bag of chocolate chip cookies out of Joe's hands and says, "Nick still loves you, Joe, don't be ridiculous."

Joe crosses his arms and glares at her, digging his toes into his mattress in case she has any ideas about making him get out of bed. "You didn't hear him on the phone."

She rolls her eyes and starts tidying the clothes and chip bags scattered on his floor. "Yeah, but I did spend the last two and a half years of my life seeing you two together almost everyday. I know what true love looks like, Joe. You're the ones who taught me, who made me see it was what David had for me, remember? That kind of thing doesn't disappear over night just because one of you moves away to go to college."

Joe can't say, "Doesn't it?" without implying that maybe the same thing is happening with her and David, but he wants to. Because he's afraid he might be right. Sure, he hasn't slept in three days and his eyes feel like they're covered in a prickly film, but that doesn't mean Joe can't be right about this.

"He didn't even want to talk to me."

Demi sighs, and stops her tidying, to cross her arms and glare at Joe. "Remember when Nick kept yelling at David for messing up the practice drills in soccer and riding him about it when they were just hanging out outside of practices, too, and I got all mad at him because he was seriously upsetting David and you told me I had to cut Nick some slack because even though he was kind of a douche sometimes, he never actually realized it and as soon as someone pointed it out to him, he would stop? And then I told David that and David went to Nick and asked him to lay off and Nick felt so bad he let David tell him to "drop and give him twenty" whenever he wanted for a whole week in penance? And one of those times they were in science class together and Nick did it anyway, right in front of everyone?" Her voice slows, going from impatient and frustrated to warm, caught up in the memory, the longer she talks, and Joe feels himself calming, too, almost smiling by the end.  
  
"I remember," he says quietly.

She smiles, and sits down on the bed beside him, "I know this is a scary, crazy time, but don't let that make you forget who Nick is. Don't let that make you forget who you are to him."

Joe takes a deep breath and he smiles for real when Demi pulls him into a comforting cuddle. "Besides, I bet you he'll give you something way better than push-ups once he realizes what he's been doing," she says, her voice sly and teasing, and Joe hides his face against her hair as he gives in and laughs, feeling the fear and worry drain slowly out of him with every chuckle.

\---

He has two more finals before Christmas break, and Nick calls him the night before each of them, still sounding exhausted and distant, but he also sounds like he means it, both times, when he wishes Joe luck, and when he says, "I know you will," after Joe tells Nick he's going to make him proud.

Demi has a psychology exam the same time as Joe's English one, the last one for both of them, and they meet for celebratory/commiseration coffees when they're done.

Joe is about three sips into his caramel macchiato with extra caramel when Nick sends him a text that reads, "congrats, bro! xoxo." Joe smiles down at his phone for a good two minutes before Demi knocks his elbow a little to get his attention back.

"Feeling like less of a crazy person?" she asks, smiling indulgently at him when he finally looks up.

Joe shrugs a little, smiling back. "It's possible not sleeping and studying all the time wasn't helping me be my most rational," he concedes, taking a quick sip of his coffee so he doesn't have to see her laugh and roll her eyes.

"Possibly," she says agreeably, dunking her scone in his coffee and the breaking off a part for Joe. He opens his mouth and catches the crumbling pastry with his tongue, making her laugh.

"We go home tomorrow," she says, not trying to contain the joy in her voice as she beams at him.

"I know," says Joe, beaming back.

Their ankles link up under the table, and they drink the rest of their coffee in happy silence, savoring the anticipation.

\---

Joe falls asleep on the plane, his head lolling against Demi's shoulder, and eventually she must fall asleep, too, because the flight attendant has to wake them both up as they're about to land.

They grin at each other, and Joe think he can feel the tingles of excitement underneath Demi's skin through their clasped hands. They separate only to grab their bags from the overhead compartment and then Joe follows Demi out of the plane with a hand pressed into the dip on the small of her back. When they disembark, they each put a hand over their eyes, scanning the arrivals gate, looking for their boys. They're not hard to spot, standing together, holding a sign up between them that reads WELCOME HOME DEMETRIA AND JOSEPH, and someone, Joe is guessing not Nick, has drawn on a bunch of happy exclamation points and what appears to be a panda bear riding a unicorn.

Joe and Demi drop their bags and run, still holding hands, into Nick and David's open arms. They laugh and hug in a tight huddle, and Joe is pretty sure he gets kissed hello by both Nick and David, two quick brushes of lips against his. When they break apart, it's Joe and Demi linking arms, rolling up the sign and waiting for Nick and David to retrieve their bags, slinging them over their shoulders and leading the way out to David's car.

"Mom and Dad didn't mind not coming to the airport?" Joe asks, knowing Nick got a bit of a fight last time, at least from their mother.

He shrugs, walking closer to Joe and steering him towards the car when they walk into the parking garage. "I guess they kind of figured I'd earned it, by this point." There's something strained in his tone, foreign, but then they're climbing into the car and Joe is distracted by Demi and David's teasing banter before he can try and make Nick tell him what's up.

David and Demi fight over the radio station and Nick sides with David and Joe sides with Demi, not really because he cares but because fair is fair, and they still haven't settled the debate by the time they arrive at the Jonas household. David points this out like a reason everyone should have agreed with him in the first place, and Joe and Demi immediately chime in by saying they're _guests_ , now, and should therefore get to pick whatever they want.

Nick and David actually glance at each other sheepishly at this, and Joe and Demi high-five between the seats.

They all get out of the car together, and David and Demi each hug Nick and Joe long and hard before saying good-bye and driving away.

Joe's still wearing his coat from the plane, getting warm standing on the driveway, looking in the front window of his family home, feeling strangely detached, empty. He looks back at Nick, and the feeling goes away instantly.

Nick smiles at him and says, "Come on, Zac and Kevin got in a couple hours before you, everyone's waiting so we can trim the tree together."

Joe nods, takes one glance over his shoulder to see if David's car is still in sight, but it's long gone from view, and Nick's hand is on his arm, and he turns back, smiling too, following Nick into the house.

When they get inside, the first things they see are Zac and Kevin winding garlands of popcorn up the banister of the staircase, and Frankie, sitting cross-legged on the living floor, surrounded by piles of ornaments, arranged in some kind of system Joe isn't able to understand until he gets closer and realizes Frankie's dividing them in terms of who gets to put up what. He knows, because Frankie's put all the bell and star shaped ones in the same pile with the panda bear ornament Nick bought for Joe when they were eight and eleven, and he drops down to his knees, kissing Frankie's forehead hello before even taking off his shoes and coat.

"Thanks, buddy," he says, nodding at his pile. He's always secretly liked the stars and bells the most, the prettiest ornaments, the most delicate. The ones he wasn't usually allowed to put up when he was little, not trusted not to break them.

Frankie nods seriously and points to the pile beside it, clearly Nick's, because it has all the wooden ornaments he's made over the years at Sunday school.

"Those are yours," he says to Nick, who nods and crouches down, too, tussling Frankie's hair.

"Sounds good."

Frankie beams at him, Nick's approval meaning everything to him. Joe shakes his head, and doesn't bother wondering what things would be like if Nick wasn't everyone's favorite. It's not like he hasn't done his part on that score.

Kevin and Zac come down to the floor with them, and Joe and Zac fist bump and then Kevin and Joe hug.

"Good to see you, little brother," Kevin says to Joe, but he's looking at Nick, too.

"How's LA?" Joe says while he hangs a cloth star on the tree.

"It's good. Warm," Kevin says, smiling at Zac like he's not really talking about the weather.

Joe laughs and Kevin starts telling a story about the turtle he wants to buy, and Joe half listens to that, listening to the Christmas CD his mom put on with his other ear. He hangs a few more ornaments and then goes into the kitchen to find her, and she startles, casting a puff of flour into the air with the flap of her hands.

She laughs and hugs him, covering Joe's back and face with flour, shaking him and saying, "I didn't even hear you come in! Did you just get home?"

He nods, and she releases his face, still shaking her head. "Does your father know you're back?"

"Not yet," Joe says, smiling at her, enjoying, for as long it lasts, just being with the parts of his family he doesn't feel like a disappointment to.

She wipes her hands on her Christmas themed apron, and calls down into the basement, "Kevin! Joe's home!"

There's a murmur from down below, and Joe guesses his dad is saying good-bye to someone on the phone, because he's up the stairs a few minutes later, holding his bible in one hand.

"Hello, Joseph," his father addresses him with a small smile, and a modicum of warmth.

"Hi, dad," Joe says, smiling wider back. He doesn't try to go in for a hug, and before he has to worry about the tension already building between them, Nick calls for him in the living room, and Joe holds up his hands, waving one hand good-bye to each of them and backing out of the room.

\---

They finish up the tree, and then they all gather around to sing O _h Come, Oh Come, Emanuel_ in a round and drink eggnog together. Joe feels sleepy and happy by the time they're done, smiling and closing his eyes as the last words of the song blend the voices of his whole family together.

When the song is over, their mom passes out cookies and sends everyone to bed, turning out the lights on the tree and blowing out the candles that helped light the living room.

Joe and Nick trade good night hugs with their three other brothers, Zac included, each kissing Frankie's head, and then Joe follows Nick upstairs, not even pausing in front of his old bedroom door before walking on into Nick's room after him.

Once inside, Joe does a stunned double-take, and when that doesn't help, he does another. He keeps doing it, but no matter how many times he closes his eyes, shakes his head and then opens them again, the scene before him doesn't change.

Nick's room is a barren wasteland, with nothing but his bed looking even vaguely in use. All the posters, Costello, Stevie Wonder, the Clash, are gone from his walls. All his trophies have been taken down from the shelves, all his books, CDs, records, movies are gone, and Joe can only assume they've been meticulously packed into the labeled boxes that fill up most of the room, tucked against the far wall across from his bed.

"Going somewhere?" Joe manages eventually, mouth hanging open, the effort of speaking too much to ask anything else of it.

Nick smiles, somewhere between proud and shy, sidling up to Joe and saying, voice low and warm in his ear, "I was thinking Chicago. I hear it's nice there this time of year."

"How?" Joe gasps, shivering as Nick trails his fingertips up Joe's neck.

"I've been taking extra classes, doubling up my course-load into a compressed dual-track semester. I've had enough AP classes that I could graduate since November, but I needed to take the SATs, finish up the basketball season for the college scouts to see if my application would get accepted for the winter term." He's unbuttoning Joe's shirt as he talks, and Joe just stands there, trapped between being mesmerized and still stunned, silent, letting Nick do whatever he wants.

Nick slips Joe's shirt to the ground, sliding his hand down Joe's waist and hauling him close with a palm pressed against the small of Joe's back, and for a minute Joe gives into this, too. He closes his eyes and lets himself be kissed, but with the press of Nick's lips against his, awareness floods him like a tidal wave, and he pulls away, pressing his hands against Nick's shoulders, holding their bodies half a foot apart.  
  
"That's why you haven't been calling me?" he demands, finding some measure of sanity returning with his anger, something stable to focus on, even for just a moment.

"I'm sorry," Nick says, sounding like he means it. "I got caught up - there was a lot to do and I had to keep some of it from Mom and Dad for awhile and then when they found out it was kind of bad, but I talked them around and it was just a lot to keep track of." He reaches up, gently wrenching one of Joe's hands off his shoulder and bringing it up to his mouth for a kiss. "I'm really sorry, Joe." He smiles, a little, and Joe can't help but smile back. "At least it was for a good cause, right?"

Joe laughs, and with it comes a wave of euphoria even stronger than the shock that came before it, and he collapses against Nick, laughing and crying at once. "I think I should be able to find it in my heart to forgive you," he forces out at last, still hiccuping back laughter and tears.

Nick smiles, the same mix of shyness and bravado Joe first fell in love with, and slowly drops to his knees, steady hands and his almost too perfect mouth helping that process along.

Joe's hands sink into Nick's curls, and he tries to remember to be quiet, always quiet, even as his knees shake and his head snaps back, back arching and teeth sinking down hard on his bottom lip to keep in the moans. As Nick's mouth works on him, Joe can't help but think, distantly, that Demi was right. This is so much better than push-ups.

\---

When they're lying in a pile on Nick's bed sometime later, it finally hits Joe, really hits him, that this means Nick is actually coming back to Chicago with him. It means this time they don't have to say good-bye. This reality hurls him from his post-orgasm stupor, and he all but tackles Nick, who is still limp and happy, and allows Joe to pin him easily.

"You're coming home with me," Joe says, a mixture of gloating and awe.

Nick leans up, nipping Joe's bottom lip and says, "Actually, you're coming home with me."

Joe blinks, apparently fuzzier than he thought, and asks, "How's that?"

Nick props himself up on his elbows, regarding Joe calmly. "I found us a house."

Joe shakes his head, rubbing at his face, trying to snap out of it. "A house?"

Nick nods. "Just to rent, but still. It's a three bedroom, just a couple blocks off campus. I've only talked to the landlord over the phone, but I've seen pictures, and Dad checked the guy out. It's legit."

Joe briefly wishes this was the kind of situation in which he could take the time to make fun of Nick for saying "legit," but really, he has more pressing concerns. "A house, Nicky? How are we going to afford that? And why does it need three bedrooms anyway?" He gets that like, they need to keep up appearances or whatever, but seriously. Three seems a little excessive.

"I got a full-ride, athletic and academic scholarship. My bills are covered, and I talked Dad into giving me the money they saved for my school for rent instead."  
  
Joe nods numbly, because as unlikely as that would be with any other child in their family, it's far from beyond what Nick's capable of getting their father to agree too. "Three bedrooms?" he presses, clinging to the parts of this that still don't make sense, desperate not to believe until he has all his fears assuaged.  
  
"Well, I figured we'd need an extra room, you know, just so everything looks okay. Like, in case Mom and Dad decide to come for a visit."

And that makes sense, sure, but,"What's the other room for, Nick?"

Nick shrugs, like he thought this was already obvious. "David and Demi."

Joe feels dizzy, drunk with happiness, and presses his lips to Nick's, tangling their tongues together, needing a vehicle, a physical expression of his joy.

When their lips part, Joe asks, "Does Demi already know?" He can't imagine her keeping that from him, and so he isn't surprised when Nick shakes his head.

"David's probably just told her about now," Nick answers.

Joe grins, imagining Demi's face, and he exclaims, "We should call them!"

Nick chuckles, shaking his head, "Joe, they're probably..." he waves a hand, and Joe feels his cheeks flush crimson.

He flicks his eyes away from Nick's and then back again, the smiles on each of their faces feeding the others.

They end up calling them anyway.

Demi laughs and shrieks into the phone, and Nick and Joe press their heads together, listening to David and Demi talk over each other into the same phone. They talk and plan and trade happiness back and forth late into the night, falling asleep to the sounds of each other's breathing, phones staying on until morning.

\---

Joe texts Demi while Nick showers, and then Nick talks to Demi and David on speaker while Joe takes his own shower. He knows because they're still talking when he comes back into Nick's room, towel wrapped around his waist, hair tussled dry.

Nick swallows, voice dropping away to nothing, staring at Joe, and after a few moments of silence, David, apparently filling in the blanks of Nick's silence, laughs and says, "Put some clothes on, Jonas," and Demi cracks up into the phone.

Joe takes the opposite of David's advice, and Nick blushes and shuts the phone without saying good-bye.

"That was rude, Nick," Joe tisks, shaking his head.

Nick pauses to look guilty for a second, but then he holds out his hands, demanding more so than inviting Joe into them.

Joe goes to him, and Nick presses his face into Joe's naked stomach, inhaling deeply. "Why do you always smell so much better than me after you shower?" Nick asks, almost petulantly.

Joe laughs, "Because I use mango scented shampoo and vanilla/coconut body-wash and you just use a bar of ivory and whatever shampoo is closest to your hands."

Nick glares, mostly out of the accuracy of Joe's statement, and then mutters, "I think you'd probably smell better regardless."

Joe smiles, kisses Nick's forehead and then says, "Come on, time to listen to David and get both of us dressed," addressing the matter of Nick's boxers and socks and nothing else.

Nick gets up, nodding reluctantly. They dress quickly, tossing each other clothes, switching dress-shirts when Joe decides he wants to wear Nick's.

They go downstairs in each other's clothes and matching socks, a new package opened for the occasion, and eat breakfast with their family, wishing they could hold hands under the table like Kevin and Zac.

After breakfast, they call David and Demi back and make a plan to meet at the old soccer field to catch up and finalize their moving plans. On the way, Nick tells Joe about how David is apparently getting a job at some sporting goods store, a hook-up from one of his uncles who lives in Chicago.

"He's been saving all the money he's made so far, since his parents weren't charging him rent or anything, obviously, and with my savings, what Mom and Dad are giving us, and scholarship money, we should be able to afford pretty much everything we'll need out there," Nick says confidently, and Joe just nods, trusting him to have crunched and recrunched the numbers.

"And you'll see about getting a new doctor out there?" he asks, worrying his bottom lip.

Nick smiles, absent gratitude for the concern, and says, "Yeah, my doctor here gave me a referral, it'll be fine."

Joe nods, but doesn't ask Nick anything else, because he's distracted by waving to Demi and David, sitting up on at the top of the bleachers, waving back down at them.

Nick waves, too, and then they meet each other half-way, stopping for a round of hugs in the middle of the stands. Demi and Joe squeeze each other extra hard, and then Demi hits Nick in the arm, saying, "I can't believe you didn't tell us sooner!"

Nick laughs, cradling his arm and apologizing as he chuckles, "I wanted it to be a surprise. You know. For Christmas."

She shakes her head, glaring despite the delighted sparkle in her eyes. "I also can't believe you managed to convince David to keep it quiet. He can't keep a secret to save his life."

David holds out his arms, an exaggerated expression of wounded outrage, but Nick just grins at her, eyes softening as he looks at David, and he says, "He can keep the important ones just fine."

David smiles back at Nick, eyes warm, and says, "Thanks, buddy," in a way that makes Joe's heart constrict a little, and he reaches out blindly, just needing a hand to squeeze. It ends up being Demi's, and she squeezes back.

They all sit down, huddling together, but sticking their faces out to feel the cool breeze on their cheeks, and Demi says, "This will never be home again," sighing and resting her head on David's shoulder. He hugs her close, and Nick leans into her on Demi's other side.

Joe looks down at the field, and then back at all of them, putting his arm around Nick so he can touch Demi's shoulder with his fingertips, and David does the same around Demi's shoulder, their hands meeting across the middle, linking together.

They don't say anything, but Joe knows he's not the only one who's glad that home doesn't have to stay in the same place, not so long as you have the right people with you.

\---

On Christmas morning, Joe and Nick wake up early, even beating Frankie to the tree. They sit together on the floor, their knees touching, and watch the rain that woke them fall against the window pane.

"There's snow in Chicago," Joe says, looking out onto the gray street.

Nick bumps their sides together, a simple gesture shared between them a thousand times to remind each other the other is there, and says, "I've never been anywhere with snow."

Joe turns to him and smiles. "You'll love it. Think of all the new sports you can be the best at."

Nick snorts, and wraps an arm around Joe's waist. "Yeah, Joe. That's totally why I'm moving to Chicago."

Joe beams at him, burying his face in Nick's shoulder. "I figured it was."

\---

On their last day, Joe goes downstairs while Nick is still rechecking that he's packed everything, and he finds Kevin alone in the kitchen, making coffee.

"Morning," Joe says, realizing as soon as he speaks that this is the first time he and Kevin have been alone this whole visit.

Kevin nods, patting Joe on the back as he passes him on his way to the cupboards with the coffee mugs.

"Good Christmas?" he asks Joe.

Joe laughs, sticking his hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels. "Great Christmas." His present was Nick - what else is he going to say?

Kevin smiles at him, the same mix of worry and love he always has for Joe now, and Joe wishes, for a moment more than anything else in the world, that Kevin could look at him with only love, just one more time. But those days are gone now, ransomed for a different future, and Joe knows he wouldn't give it up, wouldn't give Nick back. Not even for a real smile from Kevin.

Instead, he drinks the coffee Kevin hands him, and they stand there together in silence, watching the sun rise.

\---

David and Demi pick Nick and Joe up, and they take a cab to the airport together. David and Nick's seats are in the next aisle right across from Joe and Demi's, and they lean all over each other, talking the whole way there.

As they're approaching Chicago, the conversation turns to Nick's excitement about joining the University basketball team - part of his acceptance package - and Joe thinks immediately of the uniform that's hanging in his closet in his dorm room, his fingers making fists around imagined pom-poms.

He's distracted by these thoughts, and he misses whatever Nick says before he turns in across the aisle, looking past Demi to furrow his eyebrows at Joe.

"You'll still come to all my games, right?" Nick asks him, smiling with only slight traces of uncertainty.

Joe is surprised enough that Nick even has to ask that David manages to answer before him, covering Nick's hand with his own and squeezing, while he shares his smile between Joe and Demi, saying, "We all will."

 **the end**

 

 **_Epilogue_ **

As soon as they get off the plane, Demi breaks away to wait by the luggage carousel to collect their bags, while Joe, flanked by David and Nick, goes into the washroom to change. He almost rips the sleeve of his parents-appropriate shirt in his eagerness to be rid of it, sighing with relief when he slips into the leggings, pleated skirt and cashmere sweater he packed in his overnight bag. He bundles his hair into a quick pony-tail, and fastens the pearl necklace Demi gave him for Christmas around his neck, running his fingers along the smooth beads, smiling to himself.

Nick and David guard the stalls, pacing back and forth until Joe calls out, and they tell him the coast is clear.

They both smile at him, open and proud, and Nick kisses Joe's cheek, taking his hand like it's a right he's been denied far too long. Joe squeezes, and they walk out into the humming airport together, holding hands for everyone to see.


End file.
